Do 7 Wrong Turns Make a Right? - The "Wrong Turn" Series Ranked!
Horror franchises are a case study in the “Law of Diminishing Returns”. For those unfamiliar with the term, the best way to describe it is as a theory that there is a “ceiling” to which something can provide increased value before it ends up having an adverse impact. In the case of horror franchises, think of it like Friday the 13th or Halloween. Many horror fans would agree that the first four (4) in each series are the best ones in each respective franchise. The Law of Diminishing Returns states that at some point, likely the fourth film, the film, and its franchise reached a peak. Peak Entertainment, peak absurdity, peak creative kills. After that, no matter how many other cool kills, absurdity or entertainment provided the films themselves will progressively get less entertaining, interesting, unique, etc.
Sure there are examples of later franchise films that are the exception (Wes Craven’s New Nightmare or Friday the 13th Part 6), but largely the point remains the same. The longer a franchise goes on, the more likely the later films aren’t as good.
So you might ask yourself, “knowing that things get worse in franchises, why would you watch all seven(7) of the ‘Wrong Turn’ films?”. The truth is, I don’t have a good answer. I had only seen the first one in theaters (aging myself some here) and the rest largely escaped me. Add in a pandemic that is still, and it felt only natural to watch all of these and then establish my own ranking of the series. So enough talking about it, let’s get into the wild and wonderful West Virginia world of the Wrong Turn universe!
#7 - Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines (2012)
Director: Declan O’Brien
Short Summary: Bonnaroo meets Wrong Turn when a group of college-aged students decides to head up to the Mountain Man music festival. Everything goes exactly as it sounds like until a group of mutant mountain folk descend upon the town and cause ultraviolence.
This one includes a cameo from none other than Pinhead himself, Doug Bradley. If you’re asking yourself, “how does a British gentleman find themselves the ringleader of an Appalachian mutant cannibal tribe?”. The bad news is, neither I nor this film actually can explain it.
This is my least favorite in the series for many reasons, but the primary one is just how overly generic and boring this one is. This is director Declan O’Brien’s final effort of the three Wrong Turn films he helmed, and you can kind of tell that this is just a routine exercise for him at this point with these films.
Best Moment: The 5.1 audio track is really good...
Worst Moment: I hate to say it, but Doug Bradley. What starts out as kind of fun and odd quickly becomes really annoying. A lot of that is the writing, but also that Doug Bradley probably wasn’t the best person for this role.
Rating: 1.5 out of 5 Mutant Hillbilly Heads
#6 - Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead (2009)
Director: Declan O’Brien
Short Summary: Con Air meets Wrong Turn as a bus full of convicts, as you do, crashes in the backyard of everyone’s favorite mutant Appalachian cannibal family! Oh, and there’s also this other side plot about some drifter who gets involved...or is that the main plot?
This one almost took the number 7 slot, and I suspect the reason it didn’t is that it’s the first of three films that Declan O’Brien helmed for the series so it’s easier to forgive faults the first time, but by the third, not so much. This one slightly edges out Bloodlines also on the basis of having some pretty solid practical effects.
There are two main issues I had with this, and they both plague every entry from 3-6 in this series. The first is the use of CGI gore, and the second is the use of the same mutant head sculpt. CGI gore is something I usually forgive in older films, but the foul here is that there are plenty of amazing practical effects shots in this movie! So it begs the question, why use CGI gore for things that you shouldn’t have to? On the head sculpt, maybe it’s just me, but the mutant they choose to showcase the most reminds me a lot of “Freakshow” from Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle.
Side note: this is also the first entry where I started to realize that there is usually nudity within the first five minutes...more on that later.
Best Moment: There is a brain-eating scene that is done extremely well, even if it was inspired (see: taken) from 2001’s “Hannibal”.
Worst Moment: CGI gore scenes, but specifically in the beginning with an arrow going through an eye and a breast.
Rating: 2 out of 5 Mutant Hillbilly Heads
#5 - Wrong Turn 6: Last Resort (2014)
Director: Valeri Milev
Short Summary: Same story, different Wrong Turn! For the 6th entry in this series, we are given yet another group of young folks soon to become cannibal fodder who are taking over an inherited resort only to find that the caretakers and cannibals both have it in for them.
One of the notes I had from watching this was “this feels like a pattern.” Remember my “diminishing return” lesson at the start? Well here is the inevitable outcome of diminishing returns. The 6th entry in the series before a long hiatus and a reboot, this one treads familiar ground as the previous ones, but scores points for taking itself just a bit more seriously than pretty much entries 2-5. Remember my comment about nudity happening in the first five minutes? Yeah, well this one takes the record. I actually went to write down that it seems like the “time to nudity” in these films is decreasing. I thought it was in the first five minutes, but in this case, it was before the first two whole minutes! That has to be some kind of record, and not one there is fierce competition to displace.
The expanded, and muddied, mythology they try to create with films 3-6 is admirable even though it feels like an afterthought rather than an intentional addition. This is also the entry that most resembles softcore porn, albeit with some really great practical effects.
Best Moment: The one thing I admire about these films, and there are a few more things than just one, is that the effects team is not phoning it in. Aside from the occasional CGI abomination, which thankfully is lessened in this entry, the makeup and practical effects are really quite gooey and fun.
Worst Moment: CGI gore scenes, but specifically in the beginning with an arrow going through an eye and a breast.
Rating: 2 out of 5 Mutant Hillbilly Heads
#4 - Wrong Turn 2: Dead End (2007)
Director: Joe Lynch
Short Summary: There is a significant subset of young horror fans who will not appreciate the reality-tv show plot of the second entry into the West Viriginian anti-Appalachian tourism franchise we know as “Wrong Turn”. Compared to today’s reality tv shows, this West Virginia Survivor concept is relatively tame, but that doesn’t keep the Wrong Turn Mutants away from the participants!
This is the second-highest rated entry in the franchise (according to IMDB, do with that what you will) and while it’s definitely stronger than much of the entries after it, it’s also just the start of a trend to take the series in a more comedic direction. I’ve talked about the challenge behind getting horror comedy right, and while Wrong Turn 2 certainly doens’t fail it is also a bit of a….DEAD END….I’ll show myself out when I’m done.
The jokes didn’t really land for me, and for some reason I have a hard time taking Henry Rollins serious in horror movies. Really enjoy the guy most other ways, but when he shoves a stick of dynamite down the pants of the cannibal mutant patriarch only to decry, “say hello to the missues for me” it only validates my point. I don’t blame him, it’s more a matter of the script just being a little too silly for my taste.
Best Moment: This series must average at least 100 death by bow and arrow scenes, but one in particular beard the end of this one is pretty, pretty, pretty good!
Worst Moment: I’m not a prude, but the hillbilly incest in the forest scene was just unnecessary and unfunny.
Rating: 3.5 out of 5 Mutant Hillbilly Heads
#3 - Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings (2011)
Director: Declan O’Brien
Short Summary: A wholly unnecessary origin story that is better than expected. In this entry we learn how this particular family of cannibals came to be, and then we fast forward to the current day when they wreak their brand of havoc on a group of friends (like always), one of whom is inheriting the abandoned psychiatric hospital they have been squatting in.
It seems odd to me that Declan O’Brien did entries 3-5, and the 4th is the best one. This is the only entry that has a number in the title that comes close to a fun, not funny take on the Wrong Turn world. While so many others seem to attempt the horror-comedy angle, this one just has fun. The death sequences are nasty, the make-up effects (sans the CGI ones) look great, and this one doesn’t follow the same kind of pattern the others do as the group of friends in this case are not all shits. This one almost felt like a good 80s slasher, and I was kind of floored as to how much I enjoyed this one.
While it is a little silly sometimes, when it goes a little overboard at least it’s entertaining (like the “best moment” I’ll get to below). I just really wish they wouldn’t have used CGI effects, it’s a constant thorn in the side of the sequels.
Best Moment: Live cannibal fondue while friends watch...that’s all you need to know.
Worst Moment: The dialogue is a bit cringe, particularly some of the more obnoxious characters
Rating: 3.5 out of 5 Mutant Hillbilly Heads
#2 - Wrong Turn (2021)
Director: Mike P. Nelson
Short Summary: It’s hard to talk about the plot too much here, because it takes away from the joy of this reimagining of the Wrong Turn premise. The gist is that a group of friends go hiking in the Appalachian mountains only to disappear, and one of the friends’ father goes out to find out what happened and where his daughter is. That’s about the extent to which I want to divulge, but when I say this blew me away I mean it. I mean it so hard that I can’t even believe I doubted the positive buzz.
Horror hype, like any hype really, is full of hyperbole. When ads ran that touted “Hereditary” as the “scariest movie ever” I couldn’t have but roll my eyes at hearing that for the umpteenth time in my short 35 years on this Earth. So it’s an absolute delight when something not only meets expectations (and hype), but also exceeds it. This is a very serious and modern take on what is essentially the premise of the first movie. Although let’s be honest, the plots are all basically the same just tweaked by location. Anyway, this version is not only brutal and unforgiving in it’s gore and tension, but it also challenges the viewer to think much deeper than most horror films demand. The only flaw, for me, was that it’s a bit long. A two-hour horror movie is a lot to take in, and I could have seen this as two separate films, but I won’t complain too much about a great thing.
Best Moment: This was hard, but I think I’m going to lean into a particular scene involving punishment a la “The Three Wise Monkeys” that had my nails digging into my palms.
2nd Best Moment: Yeah, that’s right, I’m not giving you a “worst moment”. Instead, another GREAT one. The ending. So many films, horror and beyond, can’t nail the landing. This not only nails the landing, it does a triple lundy through hoops of fire while casually sipping a glass of bourbon.
Rating: 4 out of 5 Mutant Hillbilly Heads
#1 - Wrong Turn (2003)
Director: Rob Schmidt
Short Summary: The one that started it all, and as you can tell my personal favorite of the series. In all honesty, this shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone. The first Wrong Turn, despite being profitable, debuted the same weekend as Finding Nemo, The Italian Job Remake, and a little sequel called The Matrix Reloaded…so yeah, it stood as good of a chance of standing out as the hikers in this series do of surviving.
The plot is not unfamiliar, but what I love about this one is that it just dives right in. No preamble, no setup, and in the first 15 minutes we are on our way as a medical student (maybe resident?) and a car full of boisterous 30-year-old college students who are all too familiar to the folks born around 1985. Another standout of the first film is Stan Winston’s effects. It would take 18 years for the practical effects to reach the heights that this first entry achieved, and the actual cannibal mutant make-up is the best it will ever be in the series. To be fair, the only strength of each of these films is the creative kills executed with better-than-expected practical and make-up effects...sans the CGI scenes. Maybe it’s just me but this movie is not just underrated, it’s damn near forgotten. It doesn’t get talked about as much as it should and hopefully the new entry inspires those who missed out to go back to where the series started.
Best Moment: The tree stalking scene is fan-fucking-tastic! Tense, creative, and heaps of fun. It pulls off quite a feat by making a relatively improbable situation feel absolutely real, and tense as hell!
Worst Moment: That it doesn’t get the credit it rightfully deserves.
Rating: 4.5 out of 5 Mutant Hillbilly Heads
So that’s it, that’s the list! I encourage you to disagree, agree, and share your own rankings. I don’t blame you if you don’t want to embark on this 7-film journey, because there were times I wanted to throw in the towel. Say screw it all and just abandon this endeavor, but I could not. For what I found is that despite some relatively lackluster latter films, they almost always manage to be a good bit of fun to watch. I’d even poist that it’s one of the more consistent horror franchises out there, for better or worse. Who knows what is next, but perhaps it involves Tall Men and Round Silver balls...
